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Jokes
Oct 27, 2004 23:12:49 GMT
Post by GinfnersAddict on Oct 27, 2004 23:12:49 GMT
How about everyone posts there favourite jokes here?? Give us a laugh before Shenmue III arrives.
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Gorek
Senior Hazuki
Posts: 3,736
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Jokes
Oct 29, 2004 11:47:31 GMT
Post by Gorek on Oct 29, 2004 11:47:31 GMT
two women go out and get drunk. the go to the loo in a grave yard before the go home. one of them wipes their arse wid their nikers the other used a reeth. then the next day their husbands are talking and the first said
i think we need to watch our wive mine cam home with no underware.
the other said you think you have problems.
my wife cam home with a card stuck up her arse saying
"Thanks from the boys at the rugby club we'll never forget you".
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Jokes
Oct 29, 2004 13:27:52 GMT
Post by Residential on Oct 29, 2004 13:27:52 GMT
Is that your face or are you minding it for a monkey? Oh and Shenmue III ain't comin out!
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Gorek
Senior Hazuki
Posts: 3,736
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Jokes
Oct 29, 2004 22:06:57 GMT
Post by Gorek on Oct 29, 2004 22:06:57 GMT
OMG the second one is scary
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Jokes
Oct 30, 2004 2:00:09 GMT
Post by GinfnersAddict on Oct 30, 2004 2:00:09 GMT
This works better in person but... Why do women masturbate with these fingers? Because they're mine lol
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Jokes
Oct 30, 2004 9:39:52 GMT
Post by Residential on Oct 30, 2004 9:39:52 GMT
OMG the second one is scary You mean mine? And I have another joke if you stake a vamp on Wednesday what special day is it? Ash Wednesday!
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Jokes
Oct 30, 2004 23:55:34 GMT
Post by GinfnersAddict on Oct 30, 2004 23:55:34 GMT
A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"
So the couple walked in.
"I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in," the Jamaican said to them. "Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the "sex god" that he was.
"How could sandals make you into a sexfreak?" the husband asked the shopkeeper.
"Just try dem on, Mon," the Jamaican replied.
After some badgering from his wife, the man finally gave in, and tried the sandals on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes ... something his wife hadn't seen in many years!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, quickly bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
At which point the Jamaican began screaming, "YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET, MON! YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!"
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Jonny Craig
Senior Hazuki
Everything Is Ok
Posts: 1,867
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Jokes
Nov 9, 2004 7:11:07 GMT
Post by Jonny Craig on Nov 9, 2004 7:11:07 GMT
Great joke mon
A hitchhiker is on the side of a dead road. It's foggy and he can't see shit. Then this car appears he can see the headlights, it pulls up to his side and stops, he looks thru the window but there is no drvier, he hops in the drivers seat to see if he can drive it. But the car suddenly starts to move and occasionly this hand would appear to stear the car. The man was amazed he was in some kind of ghost car. Ater a short while the car stops outside of a pub, the man jumps out of the car walks into the pub and upto the bar. He tells the barman and all the locals his story. After which two men walk in, they looked knacked. One of them looks over at the guy at the bar and says. "Hey look it's that twat that jumped in the car whilst we were pushing it"
Not funny at all
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RavinRoadie
Senior Hazuki
Roadie on High
Teh God!
Posts: 3,131
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Jokes
Nov 12, 2004 23:50:52 GMT
Post by RavinRoadie on Nov 12, 2004 23:50:52 GMT
2 blondes walk into a bar.......you think 1 of them would have seen it!
Ending It All An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
So she shot herself in the left kneecap.
There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, ''So what's new in your life?'' The other responded, ''Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus.'' The other man says, ''My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach.'' The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, ''I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach.''
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Jokes
Nov 17, 2004 23:55:44 GMT
Post by GinfnersAddict on Nov 17, 2004 23:55:44 GMT
There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to their Parish in Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass - well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman.
The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Of course, he also fled.
Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger’s going to shake his peter at you."
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Jokes
Nov 18, 2004 16:15:38 GMT
Post by Residential on Nov 18, 2004 16:15:38 GMT
I don't know how to say this one properly but I will try. When I try to stake a vampire properly and I miss I say "get the point?" since the stake is pointy.
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RavinRoadie
Senior Hazuki
Roadie on High
Teh God!
Posts: 3,131
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Jokes
Jan 7, 2005 23:31:30 GMT
Post by RavinRoadie on Jan 7, 2005 23:31:30 GMT
^^^^that was lame!
Ok this is a joke about england (you need to say it out loud)
When we were an empire we were run by an emperor, when we were a kingdom we were run by a king, now, we are a country......
The President of the USA has Air Force One........... The Queen of England has One's Air Force
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Gorek
Senior Hazuki
Posts: 3,736
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Jokes
Jan 20, 2005 11:20:57 GMT
Post by Gorek on Jan 20, 2005 11:20:57 GMT
Quote From Eddie Izzard:
"The National Rifle Association says guns don't kill people, people do, but you know what I think the gun helps. Just standing there going bang bang boom isn't going to kill to many people. You'd have to be really dodgy on the old ticker for that to work. Bang Boom Rattatat. I think they should try that in the next world war."
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RavinRoadie
Senior Hazuki
Roadie on High
Teh God!
Posts: 3,131
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Jokes
Jan 20, 2005 23:50:56 GMT
Post by RavinRoadie on Jan 20, 2005 23:50:56 GMT
i hate eddie izzard! Lee Evans is so much better
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Gorek
Senior Hazuki
Posts: 3,736
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Jokes
Jan 21, 2005 12:14:56 GMT
Post by Gorek on Jan 21, 2005 12:14:56 GMT
Quote From Lee Evans To Make Luke Happy:
"Have you ever had a goldfish??"
"They never sleep"
"You go sleep and it goes"
"I CAN'T I AVN'T GOT ANY FUCKING EYELIDS"
"I'M FUCKING NAKERD"
Second Quote From Lee Evans:
"Have you noticed cars get scared when we are reversing they kinda go"
"eeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
"And when we are slow during a reverse they start to calm down they sorta go"
"rrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
"And trucks they are the worst they go"
"ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh"
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Jokes
Jan 23, 2005 3:18:56 GMT
Post by GinfnersAddict on Jan 23, 2005 3:18:56 GMT
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
best.joke.ever
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Jokes
Sept 2, 2007 2:17:11 GMT
Post by GinfnersAddict on Sept 2, 2007 2:17:11 GMT
^You're a genius
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Jokes
Oct 16, 2007 5:25:56 GMT
Post by JoePesciAddict on Oct 16, 2007 5:25:56 GMT
I got jokes.
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Jokes
Nov 27, 2007 1:03:31 GMT
Post by GinfnersAddict on Nov 27, 2007 1:03:31 GMT
Prove it.
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Jokes
Nov 30, 2007 11:22:08 GMT
Post by ShenmueAddict on Nov 30, 2007 11:22:08 GMT
Were waiting joe
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